Its Sunday and believe it or not nothing resolved - Cameron trying to form a Government with Clegg - obviously the 2 men are trying hard but have a mountain to climb. Brown still 'squatting in No 10' loathesome monster that he is - promising to hold a referendum on pR but of course he'll do nothing about it whatever the result, and he will lie just as he has over everything else.
How he can still cling on with those bitten finger nails is beyond belief!
Sunday, 9 May 2010
Highbullen Brid Excusion - 23/24 April
This post is out of order I'm afraid, but better late that never - it should come after the Fashion Show and before the Bagendon Day. Ten of us went to Devon on the most beautiful week-end - sun shone and the spring colours were at their most vibrant. We all, (Margaret, Lin, Sheila, Meg, Barbara and Barbara, Venetia and Ginny and Katie and I) arrived in time for lunch and sat having lunch in the sun on the terrace before our afternoon round. We quickly realised that a very large men's party playing in 4s were not going to be too quick so Meg and I valiantly went as a 2 behind one group while the other girls I put into 4s behind us. As it was such a lovely afternoon it didn't matter to much at first that it was so slow - by the 7th a gentleman from the group in front graciously offered to let us through - we smiled sweetly and said 'no it was perfectly alrtight we could see that there was nowhere to go.' However, by the time we got to the 15th nearly 3 and a half hours later we weren't quite so sweet and placid about the situation and when I saw the 4 ahead of the 4 ahead of us chatting away having lost a hole I thought I would just mention this to the kind gentleman who offered to let us through on the 7th who turned out to be not so gentlemanly and asked rather shortly who should he say was complaining - I leant forward and pointed to my sweater which said 'Lady Captain' and said also rather tersley that 'it was the Lady Captain of Cirencester Golf Club' to which he replied
'don't thrust your bosom at me Madame'!!!
Later in the bar, he and his friends studiously avoided eye contact - we could have been striped naked and they would never have seen us!
We had a lovely evening - brilliant food and good conversation particularly when we examined some cards on which were searching questions ie 'What is the most outrageous thing you have done when you 've been drunk' - gave this one to Margaret AND she told us (for those of you who don't know Margaret she's the Presiden't wife and the though of her EVER being drunk is inconceivable. On that note after dinner Katie brought her a large glass of port!
Katie and I were sharing a room which was very successful - I probably snored and Katie chatted in her sleep but it didn't really disturb eachother much. I got up quite early and had a wonderful swim - that pool is magic. Another lovely game of golf. Ginny was the overall winner of the 2 days so she won a rather pretty little salver I found in an antique shop in South Molton.
Margaret and Lin gave a little drinks party in the evening before dinner and we had the official prize giving then. Another lovely diner and a few more testing cards to ponder on!
A great 2 days - weather broke on Sunday so most of us headed back home.
'don't thrust your bosom at me Madame'!!!
Later in the bar, he and his friends studiously avoided eye contact - we could have been striped naked and they would never have seen us!
We had a lovely evening - brilliant food and good conversation particularly when we examined some cards on which were searching questions ie 'What is the most outrageous thing you have done when you 've been drunk' - gave this one to Margaret AND she told us (for those of you who don't know Margaret she's the Presiden't wife and the though of her EVER being drunk is inconceivable. On that note after dinner Katie brought her a large glass of port!
Katie and I were sharing a room which was very successful - I probably snored and Katie chatted in her sleep but it didn't really disturb eachother much. I got up quite early and had a wonderful swim - that pool is magic. Another lovely game of golf. Ginny was the overall winner of the 2 days so she won a rather pretty little salver I found in an antique shop in South Molton.
Margaret and Lin gave a little drinks party in the evening before dinner and we had the official prize giving then. Another lovely diner and a few more testing cards to ponder on!
A great 2 days - weather broke on Sunday so most of us headed back home.
Grannhy Cup and Ellett Cup
Well, the next day after the Bagendon Day we had the Granny cup which a whole bunch of people dropped out of, so after a lot of regrouping I went out at the end. I explained to our new member, a really nice girl embarking on her first game with the ladies that she was now no longer playing with so and so and she was playing with so and so and actually it was a perfect pairing - they got on like a house on fire. I told her that "I was now playing with .........."- and the words were out of my mouth before I could stop them with "...'a grumpy old lady' "- oh hell should not have said that to new member. Anyway went up to the changing room to find 'grumpy old lady' who before I could say 'good morning' gave magnificent illustration of grumpiness in full flood - while new girl stuffed hanky in mouth to stop laughing! Had another diabolical round but at least
'grumpy old lady' was fine all the way round and played better that I did.
Saturday morning, friends dropped in for coffee before I set off for Ciren for lst round of Ellett Cup and fortunately the heavey rain had stopped more or less. Was playing against Jan which was lovely but by the 4th hole she was 3 up and my golf looked set for the usual rubbish but suddenly on the 6th hole I realised my grip was wrong and in the end got the holes back and won with a huge long put on the 17th - there you go, you can never tell, can you? Playing Sue next which will be a laugh.
'grumpy old lady' was fine all the way round and played better that I did.
Saturday morning, friends dropped in for coffee before I set off for Ciren for lst round of Ellett Cup and fortunately the heavey rain had stopped more or less. Was playing against Jan which was lovely but by the 4th hole she was 3 up and my golf looked set for the usual rubbish but suddenly on the 6th hole I realised my grip was wrong and in the end got the holes back and won with a huge long put on the 17th - there you go, you can never tell, can you? Playing Sue next which will be a laugh.
5th May - The Bagendon Cup - Centenary Day
It was a bit of a grey day but at least it wasn't raining! I had all morning to get ready and of course ended up in a rush at the last minute. I was playing with someone off single figures and was totally intimidated so the golf which hasn't been wonderful recently was diabolical - I'm The Lady Captain I kept thinking - don't be bowed! but I was as I missed yet another put and the drive went out of bounds as my playing partner parred yet another hole. Such is life - such is golf. Johnny faired no better than me so at least we were able to comiserate. We didn't go home to change - it wasn't worth it - so hung around waitng for the evenings entertainment to begin.
Steve did his stuff with the meal which was great - deliscious and he fed 125 people in 55 minutes - must be a record! 'The Show' began after most people had been served. I was never more relived that I had declined to be part of it! Ofcourse everyone in it deserved a big pat on the back just for taking part - no one knows more acutely than I how scary it is to put oneself on the line. Rita Steve's wife was superb in her rendering of '10 cents a Dance' and the Snr. Vice Capt closing lyric/verse was really good. But there were embarassing moments given that the PA system was given to burbing everytime the MC came on or anybody else, noone had told the paianist how our very excellent keyboard worked so you cdouldn't hear a note at the back and one of the singers was interrupted before he had finished his song - at this juncture I had made eye contact with a certain lady in our party and we got uncontrolable giggles. Anyway the show ended and the big moment for the drawing of the raffle came. That was a real damp squib and it was drawn without anyone realising it had been drawn and although it was good that it was a member unfortunately it was a member that hardly anyone know since the person in question rarely turns up to social events. If only the ticket had been drawn last in a sort of dramatic build up then Gerry Bruton, who does so much for the club, would have won it and everyone would have been absolutely thrilled.
The one good thing on the whole day was that so many people came to support it and that was great and made everything worthwhile after all the work that the President and his wife put in and indeed the 2010 committee contributed. So cheers to all of them!
Steve did his stuff with the meal which was great - deliscious and he fed 125 people in 55 minutes - must be a record! 'The Show' began after most people had been served. I was never more relived that I had declined to be part of it! Ofcourse everyone in it deserved a big pat on the back just for taking part - no one knows more acutely than I how scary it is to put oneself on the line. Rita Steve's wife was superb in her rendering of '10 cents a Dance' and the Snr. Vice Capt closing lyric/verse was really good. But there were embarassing moments given that the PA system was given to burbing everytime the MC came on or anybody else, noone had told the paianist how our very excellent keyboard worked so you cdouldn't hear a note at the back and one of the singers was interrupted before he had finished his song - at this juncture I had made eye contact with a certain lady in our party and we got uncontrolable giggles. Anyway the show ended and the big moment for the drawing of the raffle came. That was a real damp squib and it was drawn without anyone realising it had been drawn and although it was good that it was a member unfortunately it was a member that hardly anyone know since the person in question rarely turns up to social events. If only the ticket had been drawn last in a sort of dramatic build up then Gerry Bruton, who does so much for the club, would have won it and everyone would have been absolutely thrilled.
The one good thing on the whole day was that so many people came to support it and that was great and made everything worthwhile after all the work that the President and his wife put in and indeed the 2010 committee contributed. So cheers to all of them!
Tuesday, 4 May 2010
FASHION SHOW
I have to be the worst blogger of all time - I manage to find any excuse not to sit down and record it all. How people twitter and face book all the time I can't imagine - however not blogging since the 27th Feb is definitely 'not on' especially since so much has happened and I shall now never be able to record it all. The big event has been the Fashion Show. I asked Toni (Antonia Coles) at the end of Feb if she would ever choreograph a fashion show made up of golfers in aid of Marie Curie - she said yes, so the imagination got going. Toni and I go back a long way - our first show was in 2004 - 50s Rock and Roll! Anyway I decided that frankly modeling golf gear would be pretty boring but to do a ' show ' with a sort of theme to each number would be fun. The idea was that we did 2 thirds golf and 1 third apres golf. I secured the apres stuff with 2 upmarket shops in Cheltenham and then cast the company. I cast them because I knew they could dance having seen them on the dance floors at various 'doos' all except Alison and Paddy who I could tell were good movers anyway! Mark, the club captain agreed to model and so did Gareth , one of the Pros and 2 others. I spent hours devising the musical schedule endeavouring to make a kind of link to the numbers so that Toni could interpret the music for the action.So that done we arranged the first meeting on 20th March and decided to swing them straight into the numbers. Their faces were a picture when they realised that they weren't just going to just mince down a catwalk. Toni got them into full dance routine mode and we could see from that brief first practice that they would be able to do it. The first number was 'Here Come The Girls'
where the 8 girls come swinging on to the cat walk and pushed aside the boys!
We divided the group into 2 to have rehearsals on Tuesdays and Fridays and some Saturdays.
It gave us only 8 rehearsals in all. 2 of the boys fell out and Gareth was unable to attend for ages but he recruited a friend, Dean, and the 2 of them proved to be fast learners and very good.
Paddy was clearly horrified that it might not work at all despite the fact that she knew Toni and I were very expeprienced. Anyway it did and they all worked so hard - real credit to them all in what they achieved - they'll certainly never forget it. My biggest worry at the end was the sale of tickets and were we going to get the audience they deserved. Well PHEW, we did - they just kept piling in. We're having a reunion on 7th May to pool the photos!
The 2010 Day the centenary of the course on 5th May looms large - I was asked to take part but after the Fashion Show and then a weekend away with the girls in Devon I said no. Trouble is I get so nervous now and unless I'm absolutely sure of the script and I've rehearsed it properley I'm too chicken.
But I'm certain they don't need me anyway and I'm also sure its going to be a good show tomorrow night - I will report in due course!.
where the 8 girls come swinging on to the cat walk and pushed aside the boys!
We divided the group into 2 to have rehearsals on Tuesdays and Fridays and some Saturdays.
It gave us only 8 rehearsals in all. 2 of the boys fell out and Gareth was unable to attend for ages but he recruited a friend, Dean, and the 2 of them proved to be fast learners and very good.
Paddy was clearly horrified that it might not work at all despite the fact that she knew Toni and I were very expeprienced. Anyway it did and they all worked so hard - real credit to them all in what they achieved - they'll certainly never forget it. My biggest worry at the end was the sale of tickets and were we going to get the audience they deserved. Well PHEW, we did - they just kept piling in. We're having a reunion on 7th May to pool the photos!
The 2010 Day the centenary of the course on 5th May looms large - I was asked to take part but after the Fashion Show and then a weekend away with the girls in Devon I said no. Trouble is I get so nervous now and unless I'm absolutely sure of the script and I've rehearsed it properley I'm too chicken.
But I'm certain they don't need me anyway and I'm also sure its going to be a good show tomorrow night - I will report in due course!.
Wednesday, 24 February 2010
Back again!
You may wonder why I haven't posted anything on my blog since Burn's Night. The fact is my mother died on 19th January and I've found it difficult to settle or even accept that she is actually gone. Well I mean I know she's gone but I can't figure out where exactly because she keeps chatting to me in my head. I wonder do other people have this experience? I was very lucky I had her for 68 years. She was without doubt the most generous person I have ever known. She had no interest in owning anything. Practical possessions were a bore as far as she was concerned. She adored animals and was a brilliant grandmother, never treating her grandsons as children. Most people would say she was eccentric and I suppose she was in some ways, more than Mother and daughter, we were close friends but I always knew that she loved me more than anyone else does/did.
She was a brilliant artist - got within 6 months of a 3 year degree course to qualifying as a graphic designer and then threw the whole lot up because my father was posted to West Africa and she refused to stay behind to finish it. I always thought it outragous that my father didn't
encourage her to finish it. She was never a sort of Mumsy huggy type person - some bereavement councilor asked if she had ever been a housewife. 'Good God no'! I said loudly she didn't know one end of a hoover from another. She had a great circle of wonderful friends - that was what she missed most when she reached her eighties - not being able to see or chat to her friends.
'they will keep droppin' off their perches' she would say sadly. By the time she was 90 they had all gone. Apart from her art she also wrote 3 books - 2 need publishing and I will have a go at trying to bring them up to date and have a go. For a time she worked for the Washington Post during one of her travelling bouts. After the break up of her marriage to my father she travelled all over the place, America, West Indies, Hong Kong, India and Sri Lanka. I hope now that she is up there with all her lovely friends somewhere and having a fag with Leigh Ayres and Dorothy Davidson, two incredibly beautiful women, as my Mother was.
The funeral was fine - so far as funerals go - Charlie my son was great and old friends of mine who knew her from way back came, which was so comforting.
Its all very strange.
Anyway, the day after the funeral, 28th Jan was the golf and bridge comp. which I won which was odd as I'd won it last year - so I gave myself my own present! Poor Chris P - I know she despairs of me - I didn't get anyone to pay for the comp - it rather passed me by cos I'd already got the presents.
That evening was the General Committee Meeting which fortunately I'd already made my apologies for because Norman Reynolds, double Oscar winner and BAFTA winner was giving a
talk and I was definitely not going to miss that - although to be honest I don't think I could have faced driving back to the Club anyway. I was a facinating talk - the most facinating thing about it was that he was so modest. Norman won his Oscars for Design and special effects for Raiders of the Lost Ark and Star Wars. It appeared however modest he was that he could not hide the fact that he virtually designed these films for Speilberg and George Lucas!
The evening ended in calamity I had my Max Mara coat taken. It was all too much - the coat left was in no way like mine and someone had deliberately taken the long shawl think off the hook that was on top of it - removed the coat and put the red shawl/cardy back!
I don't know why but it really got to me - I had already lost my reading glasses, had by wing mirror smashed off my car and had to have a tooth capped all on account of a piece of granary bread in the space of 10 days - but the loss of my coat seemed to me to be the most upsetting thing and I whinged about it continuously to anyone and everybody who would listen!!
Three weeks later it turned up!! The wretched woman who took it - wore it for 3 weeks without realising she had the wrong coat - she even took it to Birmingham to a concert! Apparently she was mortified when she brought it back - I should hope so - but she did offer to pay for the dry cleaning. Am not sure if I will give her the bill or not.
Funnily enough, although the weather has been pretty foul we have been able to play all the fun comps since 28th Jan. including the Valantine's Foursomes on Sat. 13th Feb. which Sue had organised brilliantly and everyone enjoyed enormously. 18th Feb was the coffee morning where Ann Brady, the Marie Curie Nurse came to give a talk and Steve produced a lovely lunch.
One was humbled by the talk and the caring that the Marie Curie nurses give over and beyond just nursing. All the stalls were great, deliscious cakes much better than my bricks, good books,
good raffle and bottle stall was a bit too generous!! Raised over £400.
This week I'm concentrating on the 'My Fair Lady Day' on 8th July to celebrate the centenary of the course and in aid of Marie Curie. Sue has designed some stunning invites which I really need to get a sample on this blog. My idea is to invite most of the Lady Captains of Glos. and others of clubs we are associated with. I had a good start, meeting some of the ladies last Monday 15th at the Gloucestershire Lady Captain's Society AGM where I worked the tables so to speak - they were all really enthusiastic - especially about the best hat prize (I'm inviting everyone to dress up Ascot style) only one was rather snooty - wanted to know if it was my idea and she wasn't sure if she already had a fully diary - I think I should have told her that I was going to have a Mad Hatter's tea party for my Lady Captain's Day - I don't think she would have been very amused.
Nevertheless, I hope she is not as serious as she appeared - it'll be a bit gloomy for her ladies this year if she is. Interesting to see if she graciously accepts the invite or graciously declines! I've now sent 34 invites out and hope most will accept.
The Colonel was off at 7.30 this morning for a shot gun start - the weather is great - hope it will be good for tomorrow, I'm playing with Meg.
She was a brilliant artist - got within 6 months of a 3 year degree course to qualifying as a graphic designer and then threw the whole lot up because my father was posted to West Africa and she refused to stay behind to finish it. I always thought it outragous that my father didn't
encourage her to finish it. She was never a sort of Mumsy huggy type person - some bereavement councilor asked if she had ever been a housewife. 'Good God no'! I said loudly she didn't know one end of a hoover from another. She had a great circle of wonderful friends - that was what she missed most when she reached her eighties - not being able to see or chat to her friends.
'they will keep droppin' off their perches' she would say sadly. By the time she was 90 they had all gone. Apart from her art she also wrote 3 books - 2 need publishing and I will have a go at trying to bring them up to date and have a go. For a time she worked for the Washington Post during one of her travelling bouts. After the break up of her marriage to my father she travelled all over the place, America, West Indies, Hong Kong, India and Sri Lanka. I hope now that she is up there with all her lovely friends somewhere and having a fag with Leigh Ayres and Dorothy Davidson, two incredibly beautiful women, as my Mother was.
The funeral was fine - so far as funerals go - Charlie my son was great and old friends of mine who knew her from way back came, which was so comforting.
Its all very strange.
Anyway, the day after the funeral, 28th Jan was the golf and bridge comp. which I won which was odd as I'd won it last year - so I gave myself my own present! Poor Chris P - I know she despairs of me - I didn't get anyone to pay for the comp - it rather passed me by cos I'd already got the presents.
That evening was the General Committee Meeting which fortunately I'd already made my apologies for because Norman Reynolds, double Oscar winner and BAFTA winner was giving a
talk and I was definitely not going to miss that - although to be honest I don't think I could have faced driving back to the Club anyway. I was a facinating talk - the most facinating thing about it was that he was so modest. Norman won his Oscars for Design and special effects for Raiders of the Lost Ark and Star Wars. It appeared however modest he was that he could not hide the fact that he virtually designed these films for Speilberg and George Lucas!
The evening ended in calamity I had my Max Mara coat taken. It was all too much - the coat left was in no way like mine and someone had deliberately taken the long shawl think off the hook that was on top of it - removed the coat and put the red shawl/cardy back!
I don't know why but it really got to me - I had already lost my reading glasses, had by wing mirror smashed off my car and had to have a tooth capped all on account of a piece of granary bread in the space of 10 days - but the loss of my coat seemed to me to be the most upsetting thing and I whinged about it continuously to anyone and everybody who would listen!!
Three weeks later it turned up!! The wretched woman who took it - wore it for 3 weeks without realising she had the wrong coat - she even took it to Birmingham to a concert! Apparently she was mortified when she brought it back - I should hope so - but she did offer to pay for the dry cleaning. Am not sure if I will give her the bill or not.
Funnily enough, although the weather has been pretty foul we have been able to play all the fun comps since 28th Jan. including the Valantine's Foursomes on Sat. 13th Feb. which Sue had organised brilliantly and everyone enjoyed enormously. 18th Feb was the coffee morning where Ann Brady, the Marie Curie Nurse came to give a talk and Steve produced a lovely lunch.
One was humbled by the talk and the caring that the Marie Curie nurses give over and beyond just nursing. All the stalls were great, deliscious cakes much better than my bricks, good books,
good raffle and bottle stall was a bit too generous!! Raised over £400.
This week I'm concentrating on the 'My Fair Lady Day' on 8th July to celebrate the centenary of the course and in aid of Marie Curie. Sue has designed some stunning invites which I really need to get a sample on this blog. My idea is to invite most of the Lady Captains of Glos. and others of clubs we are associated with. I had a good start, meeting some of the ladies last Monday 15th at the Gloucestershire Lady Captain's Society AGM where I worked the tables so to speak - they were all really enthusiastic - especially about the best hat prize (I'm inviting everyone to dress up Ascot style) only one was rather snooty - wanted to know if it was my idea and she wasn't sure if she already had a fully diary - I think I should have told her that I was going to have a Mad Hatter's tea party for my Lady Captain's Day - I don't think she would have been very amused.
Nevertheless, I hope she is not as serious as she appeared - it'll be a bit gloomy for her ladies this year if she is. Interesting to see if she graciously accepts the invite or graciously declines! I've now sent 34 invites out and hope most will accept.
The Colonel was off at 7.30 this morning for a shot gun start - the weather is great - hope it will be good for tomorrow, I'm playing with Meg.
Sunday, 17 January 2010
SNOW and BURNS NIGHT
What a relief the snow is gone - actually I didn't mind it - I got all sorts of boring things done - like clearing my desk out - amazing some of the stuff I found - things like letters from bogus competition companies assuring me that I was definitely on their agenda to win £25,000, or a plasma TV, washing machine or holiday in Ibetha - no thanks - anyway it was dated 2007.
I spent quite a lot of the time writing my response to the Toast to the Lassies. David Warden was doing the toast and I was trying to guess what on earth he was likely to say and I kept thinking well it 'll never happen, the snow will prevent the event happening but no the snow went and the 'show' was on!
So here it is! Before I start I must just say that Len Crisp did the Address of the Haggis - a genuine Scot - it was brilliant - didn't understand a word but the aggression dealt the Haggis
with a lethal dagger was awesome. Meal was deliscious, first time I actually enjoyed haggis!
Anyway.........
'Response to the toast to the Lassies by H. Landau!"
"Mr. Captain....Ladies and Gentlemen!
Kind Sir...Thank you so much!
I have to admit I was a little surprised when asked to give the reply to the Toast of the Lassies this evening as I don't have a single drop of Scottish blood in me. It's Irish with a dolup of English and possibly a soupcon of Welsh b ut now a carpuscle of Scots in the whole of my body. However, I did once go out with a Cameronian who was very serious, and played the bag pipes, perhaps that is some sort of qualification. Disappointingly he wore trews instead of a kilt so I never did find out what was underneath....so disappointing. He was quite hansome.
There are indeeed differences between the sexes and their general approahces to life as David said. The goals are definitely not the same. Take multi tasking for instance...usually quite alien to the average male. Ofcourse in a sense one might describe the bagpipes as multi tasking - after all you have to squeeze and blow and finger all at the same time . (titter from audience)
Now Robbie Burns was unusual in being a gifted multi tasker - eleven chilren by 5 women in 13 years...quite a lot of squeezing, blowing and fingering there....(huge gales of laughter) But Burn's wife Jean won the first prize for multi tasking when she attended his funeral and gave birth to his last child on the same day.
Did Robbie Burns ever help Jean with the cooking? I don't think so. But quite a lot of modern men like to cook...oh yes...not just young ones but some older gentlemen fancy themselves as a Raymond Blanc or a Gary Rhodes --oh yes. They like to don the white apron (miming putting on apron etc) cross the ribbons around the back to tie a bow neatly on their tummies. And away they go. Oh yes...and then they use absolutely every single pot and pan you possess, every bowl, every utensil they can lay their hands on...even the dog's bowl. (large laugh)....for a cheese omlette (larger laugh) But what men most like is barbecuing - that's when danger is involved...pass me another chop darling...they cry bravely - eyes protected by goggle while fixed on the flames.
In fact, most men are arsonists at heart - I mean..have we girls ever been tempted to burn rubbish on a bonfire? No! certainly not, you can take it to the municiple tip (laughter from ladies) Not my man - he's there in the late afternoon, the gathering dusk and into the night waiting for the final dying ember (laughter from ladies)
Another thing, you're invited to a 'do' - you go to your wardrobe which is full of cloths but you've got nothing to wear. (laughter from gentlemen) Now how can they accuse us of being extravagant when we need to buy 2 or 3 outfits rather than one (just in case).......I really do not know. After all they go out and spend hundreds of pounds on a new driver.....(extravagant gesture)...they've already got half a dozen in the garage. (huge gales of laughter and applause from ladies!)
Nevertheless some men do buy their wivwes jewely - bless their hearts. As a matter of fact, its been pointed out that a man who has pierced ears is worth knowing, you see not only has he bought jewelry but he's experienced pain. (lots of laughs)
Pain comes to men in various different modes, have you noticed that men always get a worse cold than you? Then there is the pain of a bad round, the pain of paying for an unexpected round...the pain of mistakes. They say a man should forget his mistakes - no point in two people remembering the same thing! (lots of laughter there)
I do have to mention one more subject that we ladies are mystified by. GADGETS! Jean may well have had to deal with Katie, Mary, Nancy, Nell, Polly, Bessie, Peggy and Eliza....but she never had to deal with Satnav Daphne...(hilarious laughter) who regardless of a perfectly good map will lead you into unimaginable diversions off the main routes, intoning 'take the second turning at the roundabout' and the journey which should take one hour can take anything up to six. Then there's those remote controls. (big sigh) (tittiers) One has no idea whether they are going to open the oven, turn off the telly turn on the CD, the central heating or lock you in the house. If only one could just flick a switch which says on or off (laughing all through this - heartfelt from the ladies)
"If only a man could be more like a woman!"
I know...like Robbie Burns, most men do want to please a woman. It's a shame that they don't know what we want a lot of the time...but on the whole we do appreciate them, life would be so boring without them.
A man may drink and no be drunk
A man may fight and no be slain
A man may kiss a bonnie lass
And aye be welcome back again
So ladies please be upstanding and raise your glasses to the laddies!!"
Now I'm going to cook the lunch and am hoping for a glass of red wine from which I was abstenaint last night for the sake of performance!
I spent quite a lot of the time writing my response to the Toast to the Lassies. David Warden was doing the toast and I was trying to guess what on earth he was likely to say and I kept thinking well it 'll never happen, the snow will prevent the event happening but no the snow went and the 'show' was on!
So here it is! Before I start I must just say that Len Crisp did the Address of the Haggis - a genuine Scot - it was brilliant - didn't understand a word but the aggression dealt the Haggis
with a lethal dagger was awesome. Meal was deliscious, first time I actually enjoyed haggis!
Anyway.........
'Response to the toast to the Lassies by H. Landau!"
"Mr. Captain....Ladies and Gentlemen!
Kind Sir...Thank you so much!
I have to admit I was a little surprised when asked to give the reply to the Toast of the Lassies this evening as I don't have a single drop of Scottish blood in me. It's Irish with a dolup of English and possibly a soupcon of Welsh b ut now a carpuscle of Scots in the whole of my body. However, I did once go out with a Cameronian who was very serious, and played the bag pipes, perhaps that is some sort of qualification. Disappointingly he wore trews instead of a kilt so I never did find out what was underneath....so disappointing. He was quite hansome.
There are indeeed differences between the sexes and their general approahces to life as David said. The goals are definitely not the same. Take multi tasking for instance...usually quite alien to the average male. Ofcourse in a sense one might describe the bagpipes as multi tasking - after all you have to squeeze and blow and finger all at the same time . (titter from audience)
Now Robbie Burns was unusual in being a gifted multi tasker - eleven chilren by 5 women in 13 years...quite a lot of squeezing, blowing and fingering there....(huge gales of laughter) But Burn's wife Jean won the first prize for multi tasking when she attended his funeral and gave birth to his last child on the same day.
Did Robbie Burns ever help Jean with the cooking? I don't think so. But quite a lot of modern men like to cook...oh yes...not just young ones but some older gentlemen fancy themselves as a Raymond Blanc or a Gary Rhodes --oh yes. They like to don the white apron (miming putting on apron etc) cross the ribbons around the back to tie a bow neatly on their tummies. And away they go. Oh yes...and then they use absolutely every single pot and pan you possess, every bowl, every utensil they can lay their hands on...even the dog's bowl. (large laugh)....for a cheese omlette (larger laugh) But what men most like is barbecuing - that's when danger is involved...pass me another chop darling...they cry bravely - eyes protected by goggle while fixed on the flames.
In fact, most men are arsonists at heart - I mean..have we girls ever been tempted to burn rubbish on a bonfire? No! certainly not, you can take it to the municiple tip (laughter from ladies) Not my man - he's there in the late afternoon, the gathering dusk and into the night waiting for the final dying ember (laughter from ladies)
Another thing, you're invited to a 'do' - you go to your wardrobe which is full of cloths but you've got nothing to wear. (laughter from gentlemen) Now how can they accuse us of being extravagant when we need to buy 2 or 3 outfits rather than one (just in case).......I really do not know. After all they go out and spend hundreds of pounds on a new driver.....(extravagant gesture)...they've already got half a dozen in the garage. (huge gales of laughter and applause from ladies!)
Nevertheless some men do buy their wivwes jewely - bless their hearts. As a matter of fact, its been pointed out that a man who has pierced ears is worth knowing, you see not only has he bought jewelry but he's experienced pain. (lots of laughs)
Pain comes to men in various different modes, have you noticed that men always get a worse cold than you? Then there is the pain of a bad round, the pain of paying for an unexpected round...the pain of mistakes. They say a man should forget his mistakes - no point in two people remembering the same thing! (lots of laughter there)
I do have to mention one more subject that we ladies are mystified by. GADGETS! Jean may well have had to deal with Katie, Mary, Nancy, Nell, Polly, Bessie, Peggy and Eliza....but she never had to deal with Satnav Daphne...(hilarious laughter) who regardless of a perfectly good map will lead you into unimaginable diversions off the main routes, intoning 'take the second turning at the roundabout' and the journey which should take one hour can take anything up to six. Then there's those remote controls. (big sigh) (tittiers) One has no idea whether they are going to open the oven, turn off the telly turn on the CD, the central heating or lock you in the house. If only one could just flick a switch which says on or off (laughing all through this - heartfelt from the ladies)
"If only a man could be more like a woman!"
I know...like Robbie Burns, most men do want to please a woman. It's a shame that they don't know what we want a lot of the time...but on the whole we do appreciate them, life would be so boring without them.
A man may drink and no be drunk
A man may fight and no be slain
A man may kiss a bonnie lass
And aye be welcome back again
So ladies please be upstanding and raise your glasses to the laddies!!"
Now I'm going to cook the lunch and am hoping for a glass of red wine from which I was abstenaint last night for the sake of performance!
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